Blogpost #8: Dealing with Breakups

           At one point in our lives, we will experience loving someone deeply. That “someone” will get all the love you can give and will be the center of your life. You will see him or her as someone so perfect that you will never see the person's negative traits. Your attention will be focused on that person and you will be more than willing to do anything for him/her. Sadly, relationships don't always last forever and worse, some love remain unreciprocated. 

           I know what it feels like to fall in love with someone. I have already experienced it at a very young age and it wasn't that easy. I thought our relationship would last forever, but I was wrong. I loved him with a love that was beyond one's imagination and I know he loved me, too; but things didn't turn out the way we wanted them to be. I guess, we're still too young to be in a serious relationship or maybe we're not really meant for each other. I guess, even if two people are deeply in love with each other, there will still be conflicts and misunderstanding between them one way or the other. When I broke up with my ex-boyfriend, I knew I was going to have a hard time moving on. I cried for three consecutive days and I could hardly focus on my studies. I asked myself so many times why we ended up that way and where I went wrong. But then I realized, I should not feel that way forever. I should be strong cause if not, I would be on the losing end. So, little by little, I was able to get back on my feet with the help and support of my mom and my friends. 

           So, how can one completely move on? I have come across an article written by Rhadson in Tumblr “Paano Mag-move On”. It's very interesting and I can actually relate to it and I'm glad I did what I was supposed to do after I broke up with the person I thought I couldn't live without. Here are some advice on how you can move on after a breakup. 

           First, cry out all the pain you feel inside. It took me three days before I finally got tired of crying and after that I felt better. It was the very first time I felt so depressed, but then, I realized life had to go on even if it meant living my life without “him”. It wasn't that easy, but after some time, I was able to smile and laugh again like I used to. I told myself I would never love that much again so it wouldn't be very painful if a future relationship wouldn't work out right again. 

           Second, keep yourself busy with things that you find interesting and stay active. Develop your talents and discover new ones. Talk to your friends. I decided to come out of my shell after that terrible breakup, I joined our school's basketball team even if I knew I couldn't play that game as good as the old-timers. Funny, but I was given the MVP award despite my being a novice in that sport. I also joined our school's annual cheer dance competition and I performed in the Dance Revolution Program as well . And for the first time, I joined a singing competition and luckily got the 1st prize. Those activities kept me busy I didn't have time to think about him anymore. The best part of being single again was having enough time to bond with my best friend again. Because of her, I realized the importance of having friends. She tried her very best to make me happy and she never left my side when I needed a shoulder to cry on.

          Lastly, I started loving myself more. I came to a realization that I had been selfless for some time. I was so focused on how I could make my ex happy that I forgot to give time for myself. Now, I am loving the new “me” - more confident, outgoing and happy. 

           In another article entitled “How To Get Over A Breakup” edited by Kimi, James Quirk, Lisa Santana, Moofdaddy and 225 others in WikiHow, I tried to follow two of the ways on how to move on. These are Reminding yourself of the negative things and Removing memory triggers.
 
Reminding yourself of the negative things. I got so bitter during the time I was trying to fix what I was supposed to and started asking myself why I fell for someone like him. I told myself I deserved someone better...someone more good-looking, manlier and smarter ; someone I could really be proud of. I knew I sounded hateful, but it was the only way I could get over him. 

Removing memory triggers. My ex-boyfriend was the type of of guy who would make anniversaries very special. He would surprise me with scrapbooks, love letters, stuff toys, flowers, etc. during special occasions. After the breakup, I didn't even attempt to look at them again. I asked somebody to keep them. I didn't want see those things because they might bring back beautiful memories I had with him before. That helped me a lot in a way.

           Breakups may be difficult to handle at first, but as they say, “Time heals all wounds” and I believe it's true. What happened in the past will remain a lesson for me. I may have lost something, but I have gave so much more than that in return. I am a better person now.

Blogpost #7: Sexual Intimacy

          As time went by, people had changed. One of these changes is their disposition in life. With the advent of new technology, which has drastically made living so easy and convenient, more and more people especially the young have become so inclined with leisure and pleasure. To many, sex has become just another day's activity, an activity which has become a normal part of boyfriend and girlfriend's daily routine. Pre-marital sex that is. Pre-marital sex has become so rampant in relationships of all ages. People has gotten so used to it they have forgotten or worse, they don't know that it is wrong and that it is a mortal sin in the eyes of God. People have become so accustomed with the physical enjoyment and the emotional joy they feel from having sex that they tend to have ignored or forgotten the wrongness and the adverse effects of engaging in sex before marriage.

          In the bible, 1 Corinthians 7:2, “But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.” Therefore, sex before and out of marriage is considered immoral. Sex before marriage is a mortal sin to God. We should only have sex with our spouses after we get married. It is also said that the only cure to sexual immorality between couples is marriage, which will make them fulfill their passions and sexual desires in a moral way. Therefore, when God told Noah (in Genesis 9:1) “Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the earth.”; which is also one of the infamous verses always recited during weddings, God meant to do it in a moral way.

          Sex by itself should not be misconstrued as bad. After all, it is what guarantees the continued existence of our specie. It is the timing and the intent in which it is done that makes sex bad. Sex should be done with assumed responsibility and the best way to assume that responsibility is marriage. Like I earlier mentioned, sex has become seemingly a normal part of many pre-marital relationships. Men most especially don't care about the effects of pre-marital sex because despite the fact that technically, they also lose their virginity, socially, they don't lose anything. No man, especially in our culture had ever cried because he's no longer a virgin. The adverse effect of pre-marital sex is on women. When a woman loses her virginity, that's it, she had lost it forever. She will never be the same. In the eyes of the society, she's no longer a virgin. For a woman, losing her virginity is a con, as against a pro for a man.

          To many people, especially men, sex is just a hobby. Some men are actually in the habit of having sex with virgin, inexperienced women. To them, there is some kind of fulfillment when they're the first to break a woman's brand new seal. To them, they earn the bragging rights to themselves and to others when they had sex with a virgin. Worse is, some men become very vocal about their “accomplishment” at the expense of the girl. This now becomes a compounding factor to a girl's problem. Not only did she lose her virginity, the whole world gets to know about it. Thanks to the immature bigot she gave herself to. This is the hard lesson that many trusting women learned.

          Despite the disadvantages of pre-marital sex, of losing one's virginity before marriage, there are still women who seem to favor it even in a conservative society like we have in the Philippines. According to the article entitled “8 Reasons to Have Sex Before You Get Married: Premarital Sex Isn’t aBad Thing”, writen by D.S. Ploshay in Yahoo Voices, the 2 main reasons why it is fine to have sex before marriage are because “Everyone's doing it” and “Test drive”.

        I can't give an insight on that because I'm a virgin and I don't have an experience. Nevertheless, I can give my honest opinion on why some women still prefer to do it. I think, a huge factor is influence. When someone is raised in an environment where people especially parents have no hang-ups on sex, children will follow suit. Liberated is the word. In liberal societies like they have in the western hemisphere, parents don't care about their children's sexual exploits especially after they turn 18. In fact, they educate them on how to have safe sex. Another huge part of this trend is media. Pornography is all over us these days – TV, Internet, movies; people of all ages have access to it like never before. Children as young as eight (depending on how their parents guide and protect them) may now be able to view pornography. It is sad but true.

          After all that's been said and done, it's easy to say that there are now more and younger people engaging in pre-marital sex. But at the end of the day, it's still an individual choice. For me, I want to keep my virginity for as long as I'm single, not only because that's what my mom told me but because it is what I believe is the right thing to do. As the saying goes, “Virginity is the best gift you can give to your husband”. I want to save my virginity for my future husband. I want my husband to be the happiest man on earth on our wedding night. I want him to be proud of me and to tell our kids that I was not “easy to get”. Most of all, I don't want to commit a mortal sin against God.

Blogpost #6: Ovecoming Jealousy in a Relationship

Jealousy is a common feeling that overtakes a girl when she sees her partner with another girl who poses threat to their relationship. It is hard to overcome this feeling especially when you are not confident about yourself and the relationship itself. You fear losing your partner to this person and you start being suspicious and you constantly yearn for assurance that he won't leave you. Being jealous causes you to become too possessive. Thus, you demand more time with him. You ask a lot of questions like where he is, who he's with, what he's doing and sometimes you go as far as wanting to know what he's thinking, who he's thinking about and so on and so forth. You know this isn't doing your relationship any good, but you think it's the only way you can keep him.

A girl gets jealous for a lot of reasons. Even the simplest things can make her jealous like when he adds a female friend to his facebook account, when he follows a girl in twitter or likes a picture of someone she thinks he finds attractive. Even a past relationship can make her feel insecure at times. When he doesn't reply to her text messages right away, she thinks he might be busy texting someone else. She also hates it when his friends tease him to other girls. She starts comparing herself to these girls and wonders if she really is good enough to be his girlfriend.

Being jealous makes a girl do a lot of crazy things like checking on the other girl's background or personal life. She compares herself with this girl and tries to see who looks better than the two of them. She tries to find out how the girl and her boyfriend met and how their relationship went, what caused their break up, if they still get in touch with each other or if they still care for each other. She seeks her friends' opinion, too. She asks them if they think the other girl is pretty or not or if she's smarter than her. She hates seeing the girl and her boyfriend together and she checks if they are still calling or texting each other. She wants to make sure that it's really over between the two of them. She wants all the assurance she can get from her boyfriend and once he fails to give her enough reason to feel secure about their relationship, she gets disappointed and it often leads to a fight and eventually, they break up.

Jealousy causes a lot of relationships to fail. In the article "Top 10: Ways To Deal With Jealousy" written by Oliver Jameson in AskMen: Ask yourself why you're jealous, Face your fears, and Inquire if you're jealous, you can find ways that can make you overcome it.

First way is to Ask yourself why you're jealous. There are a lot of reasons why girls get jealous. Lack of self-confidence is one. Girls often compare themselves with other girls and they sometimes end up feeling insecure and they feel they're not good enough for their boyfriends. Their past experiences may also contribute as to why they're feeling that way. It could be that they had been betrayed by their partners before so, they think that it could happen again in their present relationship. It becomes very hard for them to trust their partners again.

Second way is to Face your fears. Get to know the people you're jealous of. Introduce yourself to them. Befriend them. Chances are they're really just friends after all and when you become friends, they can even help you have a better relationship with your boyfriend. They can give you advice and tips on how to make your relationship work. You will also find out more about your boyfriend through them.

Third way is to Inquire if you're curious. Be open. You should be more honest to your boyfriend. If something's bothering you, tell him. Once he finds out about your worries and true feelings, he might try harder to show you how much he really cares and he'd be more sensitive to your needs.

In another article entitled “9 Ways to Overcome Jealousy” written by Tina Su in ThinkSimpleNow, I think, one of the ways that may also be of big help to help a girl overcome her feeling of insecurity and jealousy is the one which says, “Stop comparing and write it out”.

Avoid comparing yourself to other people. We are all created unique. We all have our strengths and weaknesses as individuals. You may not be as beautiful as other girls, but you're smarter and you have the personality that makes you stand out in a crowd. Be confident. Focus on your good qualities instead of worrying so much about what you don't have. Besides, he chose you to be his girlfriend. That means he has seen something in you that other girls don't have. That should be enough reason for you to get over your doubts.

Write down your thoughts. For me, writing is one of the best ways that can make a person feel better. It is a stress-reliever. This is what I always do whenever I feel depressed or when I want to say something to the person I love when I can't bring myself to say it to him personally. Sometimes, we can express ourselves better with writing; especially when we pour out our emotions. It's just normal for a person to be jealous especially when that person is in love, but it should not reach the point of breaking up with your beloved. Sometimes, you need to control your feelings and your actions as well. Learn to understand your partner. Avoid suffocating him. So if you're going to be jealous, know your limitation. Don't let jealousy get the best of you. Relationships are happier if they're problem free.