Blogpost #5: Long-distance relationship

Being in a long-distance relationship is hard for most couples, but it’s not at all a hindrance for those who truly love each other. Contrary to what most people believe, being away from someone we love often leads us to have a deeper intimacy with our partner. We make every moment count because of the very limited time that we spend talking to each other and, in most cases, we tend to be more open about our true feelings. It only becomes difficult if we think much about the distance, itself, and when we consider physical presence more important than its emotional side. We sometimes long to be in each other’s arms and we like being cuddled and comforted whenever we feel miserable. In other words, we hate the thought of not being able to touch each other whenever we long for intimacy. Those are some of the reasons why long-distance relationships do not work. We always think of its negative side.

In the article “Long Distance Relationship” written by MelodyOfHeart in Wattpad, it is stated that a relationship can either be easy or hard notwithstanding the physical distance between the two persons involved. It all depends on how they handle and manage the relationship despite the distance. I have witnessed a lot of couples who are still together even after being apart for a period of time. My parents are one of the examples. They have been separated for almost 8 years now, but they are still one of the loveliest couples I know. They always make time for each other. They spend long hours on the phone talking about anything and everything under the sun. They also engage in video chats all the time.  One of the great advantages of advanced technology, I can say.

Long-distance relationships last because of two important factors:  constant communication and trust. In the article “9 Ways to Survive A Super Long-Distance Relationship” found in Cosmopolitan.com on Yahoo Shine, other ways to survive this kind of relationship is to have Regular Skype Sessions, Distract Yourself, and Be Consistent.

Regular Skype Sessions. Communication is one of the most important things that make long-distance relationships work. Through constant communication, you and your partner make each other feel emotionally attached despite the distance. It also helps eliminate doubts and fears that often cause the relationship to fail. It also gives you the assurance that he or she is always there for you.

Distract Yourself.  Keep yourself busy whenever your partner isn’t available due to work-related matters and the like. Don’t just sit there and wait for him to call. You will only get bored and start getting impatient that may sometimes lead to quarrels and misunderstanding. Focus on other things that you find interesting or spend time with your family and friends. Learn new hobbies like baking/cooking or engage in a sport. Attend family gatherings and birthday parties or visit a friend you have not seen for a long time. That way, you will also have more things to talk about once you get to talk with your partner again.

Be Consistent. This is the main key to making relationships work, long-distance or not. Make sure you do all the things that you say you will do and never ever change the way you treat your partner. Treat them the way you did during the first stage of your relationship. Never ever make promises that you can’t keep and be yourself! If someone really loves you, they will love and accept you for who you really are.

In another article entitled “How to Survive a Long Distance Relationship” written by Tiffany Mason in Life Hack, Be Committed, Think Long-Term, and Be Real are some secrets to make your relationship really work.

Be Committed. Spend some quality time talking to your partner about what you have in your relationship. Because if you know that you both are really committed in what you have, your relationship will be worth your time and energy.

Think Long-Term. It’s good if you think about what your future would look with your current relationship. It’s like you’re making sure that you’re in a relationship for the right reasons. I think that this develops you and your partner to really think about having a longer relationship.

Be Real. There is nothing wrong with having imperfections. Actually, this can be one of the keys to know if your partner is really serious about you. If he/she knows all your flaws but still stays with you, he/she accepts you for who you are. Because I don’t think anyone would stay in a relationship with someone they don’t accept for who they really are.

“Love knows no distance.” I firmly believe that love really knows no distance. Loving someone doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be with him/her every second every minute of the day. “Everybody needs a little time away from each other. Even lovers need a holiday…far away from each other”, as the song goes. 

Blogpost #4: What makes a relationship last?

          A lot of relationships end for a variety of reasons. Here is something from an article entitled ”Top 5 reasons relationship ends” written by Jessica Padykula in She Knows. In this site, it includes: incompatibility, cheating, growing apart, faded chemistry, and different paths. Some relationships end badly, while others are ended with a mutual decision. Relationships of people my age don’t really last for a long time, maybe because they’re just for the sake of having fun or going with the flow of this generation. At first, their relationships seemed okay but through the process, their love for each other fades. I think one reason why this happens is because of college life. Some couples go to different colleges, thus giving them a hard time to see each other or even communicate when school works get in the way. They say that communication is important, and I think couples should make time to see each other because being away from the one you love can lessen the feelings.

          But what are the specific aspects that affect a relationship and cause its end? Let’s expand on what I have stated earlier:

Incompatibility. This happens when your beliefs and values contradict each other. Sometimes these cause fights because the couple individually has a strong belief in a certain idea or thing. They say that opposites attract, however, it’s not always the case because sometimes these differences take them away from each other.

Cheating. People tend to cheat when they are not content and happy with the person they are with. Other couples get through the challenge of infidelity while others don’t. But I think once a person has cheated, giving him/her a second chance should not be easy because when trust is broken, it is one of the hardest things to fix and may require a long time to be restored.

Growing Apart & Faded Chemistry. Sometimes we just feel like the person we once loved just turned into a stranger. It’s when the butterflies aren’t there anymore and you just simply lose interest in talking or seeing him/her. I think it’s because the love felt in the first place isn’t true, and that’s how most cases are.

Different Paths. It is inevitable for a couple to have different individual plans. One may think of a future that would benefit them both, but the other might not see their future like that. Long term goals may be harder to fix for the both of them than short term goals.

          Making a relationship last is not an easy task. Both parties should take part in order for their relationship to work. In the article “How to make a Relationship Last” Edited by TJ Pranger, KnowItSome, Flickety, Sondra C and 23 others in Wiki How, making time for each other, being honest with each other and giving up should not be a choice are requirements for a relationship to really last.

Being honest with each other. Being honest is an important aspect that every couple must have. Without this, it is impossible to bind the hearts of a couple, and it is also the foundation in which a relationship lasts. That’s why trust must be taken care of because it is something that can’t be easily fixed when broken.

Giving up should not be a choice. Nothing can be achieved if we give up, so the couple must have the perseverance to fix problems and keep the relationship going, no matter how hard the trials may be. It is never an option to give up, as long as there are still ways to mend broken ends.

Making time for each other. Time is an essential element in a relationship because by giving time to the person we love, we can show him/her that he/she is important to us and is worth our time. We can show this by talking to them, or making time to see them, just for them to know that we want to be with them.

        There are still a lot of ways to make a relationship last. But for me, those are the most important things to consider when you're in a relationship. Also, don't forget even if you play every trick in the book of romance, if your partner is unwilling to commit, the relationship will not work out. You should both have trust in each other despite the challenges and problems that arise. And lastly, both of you should be willing to make an effort. 

Blogpost #3: Is it better to be in a relationship or stay single?

          There’s no better feeling than being in love with a partner. Some people would say that being in a relationship either romantic or not is the best feeling so far. This is mainly because they can’t get enough of the other person or just simply going with the trend or the so called status quo. While there are common instances that people who are single are more proud of their social status. They don’t need a partner; maybe they call themselves superior? But who cares. I would fall into one common denominator for this blog post. What is really better? What is beneficial? What is more significant today? Being in a relationship and otherwise single has its perks. Let’ see.

          Here is something from an article entitled “Why is being in a relationship better than beingsingle?” by Omar Franc in the site Magforwomen:

“The feeling of belonging is priceless”

          Those little things are beginning to make sense when you are with the person you love. You get to hang out and spend time together rather than being alone and feeling worthless. You then begin to manifest traits that complement each other. You see the world in a brand new perspective. Though, it may demand a certain amount of time, but everything will be worth it soon enough. And the most common line that I usually here is “I feel protected and secure”.

          Here is another idea from an article entitled “10 reasons to be in a relationship” by Barton Goldsmith I found at Psychologytoday:

          “Having a hand to hold as you go through life makes the difficulties we all experience easier to deal with.”

          A well moulded motivation is always good. And having an extra hand to provide some help isn’t that bad. Both of you who are in the relationship can pretty much benefit each other. If you are in college, your boyfriend or girlfriend can be an inspiration if you know how to handle stuff accordingly. Also, your mate will always back you up whenever and whatever happens, each person finds joy in sharing in the other person’s growth.

          Now that I have released some thoughts about why being in a relationship is better, let us now challenge the idea by the concept: why being single is better.

          Since the majority of my life revolved in being single, I think being single here has far way better chances of becoming a better option. Some people would rant about the perks of being single. And I would admit that indeed, the ideas are far more realistic and beneficial than the taken status. But then again, it’s my opinion and it shouldn’t be copied at all.

So to start things off,

          Here is an idea from an article I read, entitled “Why being single is completely awesome” by Brianna Wiest in ThoughtCatalog. She has some pretty nice ideas.

“Being single now means that you’re independent and have goals and that you care enough about your life to not just settle for whoever comes along, but to really get out there and experience different kinds of people and make sure you’re spending your life the way you want to.

          The time I spent single in high school and in college really let me get to know myself. And I do, now, have a great grasp on who I am as a person. I can do things alone. Do I wanna see a movie? Great! I can go alone. Do I want to sit at a diner and work? Great! I can go have a cup of coffee and a booth to myself. Is it Saturday and I have no plans and no one’s around? Great! The museum is fun to go to on my own. And sure, I love my friends, but if they’re not able to hang out? I am a-okay. Being single taught me that skill. It’s a useful one to have. It makes you independent. It makes you decisive. It makes you sure of what you like and don’t like without someone else’s stuff getting all muddled in your brain space.

          It’s up to you whether to convince yourself on what is really better and beneficial for you sake. Being in a relationship and being single is not bad. It’s mostly about how you deal with other people in life. And if you are studying, make sure your social status is not harming your studies. Don’t worry honey, the world still loves you single or not.

Blogpost #2: Unrequited Love

                   It is common to have romantic feelings to someone who does not feel the same way about you. This is because we all have our tendencies to produce feelings for another person without the assurance of that so called “love” being returned to us. But why do you think people still pursue the guy or girl they are in love with even though the latter does not feel the same way about them? These are the factors why we keep our hopes up for these people: First is, because of the hope that the other person may love us back. There is really nothing wrong with hoping that the person may love you back after knowing that you have feelings for him but it is not right either to spend so much time thinking about something you want to happen without assurance. Second is, because the other person shows mixed signals. Sometimes we think twice about forgetting a person we love, but then, their actions draw us closer to them even though we are not sure about how they feel towards us. It may sometimes seem that they like us back, but then we misinterpret their actions; thinking that what they show is affection but turns out to be just gestures of friendship. Last but not the least is, because we tend to make ourselves fools for the ones we love and do everything for them. When it comes to love, even smart people become dumb because we think that we should and can do anything for the person we love even though it may hurt us in the end. I guess that is the consequence of love, doing everything to the point that we become fools.

This situation is what we call ‘unrequited love.’ The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines unrequited as ‘not reciprocated or returned in kind’ and love as ‘strong feeling of affection.’ It is hopelessly loving a person whom we can never have a chance with and is the most unbearable and greatest kind of pain that comes along with love; and when you've done everything to win them then they would still choose someone over you, that hurts more.

According to the article “Unrequited 500 Days of Summer” written by rebzombie, one example of unrequited love is what happened in the movie 500 Days of Summer. In this movie, the main character, Tom Hansen, falls in love with Summer Finn. They become friends and eventually Tom develops feelings for her; but then Summer tells him that she is not looking for anything serious, and Tom agrees. Later on, Tom finds himself falling further in love with Summer but one day, Summer just tells him that they should stop seeing each other. This breaks Tom’s heart and soon, both his life and career fall apart.

As he goes on with his brokenhearted life, he sees Summer in a bus he is riding and discovers that she is going to the same party he is. After being close to Summer again and dancing with her, he thinks that he still has a chance. Summer invites him over to her house the following week, and Tom expects a lot of things that did not happen the way he wanted. Later that afternoon, he sees that Summer is actually wearing an engagement ring, and disappointedly leaves.

After being hurt and finding time to fix himself again, he sees Summer on their favorite spot, overlooking the city. He confronts her, saying “You didn’t want to be anyone’s girlfriend, and now you’re somebody’s wife.” Then Summer says that now she’s sure with the feelings that she was never sure of with Tom. They part ways and Tom tells Summer that he really hopes she is happy.

One day, when Tom was about to apply for a new job, he meets a girl of his competition for the position. He learns that she has the same favorite spot as him, and that she has seen him before when he was not looking. He asks for her name and she introduces herself as ‘Autumn.’ Tom then invites her for coffee after the job interview.

It is difficult to deal with unrequited love because every time you think about him/her, the feeling comes rushing back like the first time you were rejected. Now that we know how hard unrequited love is, these are some ways to deal with the situation if you are the victim of unrequited love from the article “How to Deal with Unrequited Love” edited by Feliiiii, DifuWu, Krystle, ElizabethD and 23 others in Wiki How: First way is to accept that romantic love is not usually a conscious decision. You cannot force someone to love you if the feelings itself aren’t there. It is like insisting on riding a train when there really is no space left. Second way is to eradicate any sense of neediness. Conveying neediness just lessens your value as a person. Try to think happy and positive thoughts and focus on yourself more. Third way is to distance yourself. As much as possible, try to lessen or totally cut the communication off between you and the other person. The more you still talk to him/her more, the more your feelings are likely to come back again, thus you will get hurt again once you are reminded that he/she does not like you back. The last way is to practice unconditional love. Perhaps you can feel happy for the person even if he/she can be happy without you in his/her life. That’s unconditional love, feeling happiness from giving, not receiving.

The burden is too much to bear that we must stop chasing an elusive dream and might as well move on. Moving on may be hard at first, but once you get through it, you will soon realize that the pain is worth it. You have become a better and much stronger person.

Blogpost #1: He likes me...he likes me not

Being liked by that "one" person you adore gives you a feeling of euphoria and a certain degree of excitement that is beyond compare. You feel like you're floating on cloud 9! But before you get to that point, you first experience a lot of uncertainties about how he really feels about you. You sometimes doubt your interpretation to the signs that he is giving you and you begin to wonder if he's really into you or if he's just being friendly. Such a great dilemma to us, girls! Now, how can you tell if a guy likes or a girl or not? There are actually signs. We just have to pay extra attention to his body language and what he is saying.

In the article “5 Signs He's Into You” written by Thea Miranda in Candy Magazine, the three sure signs, as far as I’m concerned, are these: He looks at you – a lot, He seeks for your friends’ approval, and if He admits that he likes you.

The first obvious sign is if He looks at you – a lot. Have you ever caught your crush looking at you, then, he suddenly looks away after you notice him? If you catch him once, that might just be a coincidence; but if you catch him staring at you a lot of times already, chances are he likes you too. If a guy likes you, he observes even the little things you do and tries to find out what your interests are. That way, it's easier for him to bring up a topic when he finally decides to approach you.

The second sign is if He seeks for you friends’ approval. A guy who wants to be a part of your life usually befriends your close friends first before he gets near you. He asks them about your likes and dislikes and sometimes even about your past ("your exes"), your crushes, your love life etc. Once he earns their trust and starts being one of them, he begins to seek advice from them regarding his feelings towards you and asks for help to be able to get a "yes" answer from you once he finally asks you for a date.

The third and last obvious sign is if He admits that he likes you. I’m not sure if this is a sign but I know that it takes a lot of courage for a guy to be able to open up about his true feelings towards the girl he likes. He fears rejection, yes...but he certainly doesn't want you to just be his friend and so he tells you what he really feels and starts asking you out on a date.

In another article entitled “24 Signs A Guy Likes You: Decoding His Body Language” written by Adrienne Mansfield in Man Decoder, only 2 signs are convincing: When He’s always around and when he acts annoyed or jealous when you talk to other guys.

When you think if a guy is always walking near you, sitting next or close to where you sit, just shows up wherever you are, or even talks to you a lot, there’s a big possibility that he likes you. He goes out of his way just to be able to talk to you and he does that on a regular basis. He starts showing interest about your family, your work, school, hobbies, places where you usually hang out, who you hang out with and last but not the least, your “love life”.

For me, it is cute when a guy acts annoyed or jealous when you talk to other guys. It just shows that he is just afraid that you might be also interested to another guy.

These are just few of the many signs that can tell if a guy really likes you. If he tries his best to make you laugh and puts his best foot forward whenever you're around or he goes out of his way to be able to help you on something, that sends a signal that he wants you two to be more than friends.

If there are signs if a guy likes you, there are also signs that can tell if he doesn't like you. It's hard when the one you like doesn't feel the same way towards you, and even harder when you keep believing that one day, this person would eventually realize that he likes you too. If you think that it's just a one-sided thing; that he's only after your friendship, then, I guess, it's time to move on and put your attention on other things like your career or studies. You just have to accept he fact that he's not the one for you.

In the article “7 Signs A Guy Doesn't Like You (Dating Tips for Women)” written by Linda in Beauty and Tips Magazine, the first three signs are the biggest hints that would let you know if a guy is not into you.

The first sign is if He doesn’t invite you out. If you have known this guy for a long time and he never asked you to go out on a date with him, it only means one thing- he doesn't like you! The second sign is if He says that he isn’t ready. If a guy tells you that he isn't ready to get into a serious relationship yet or if he thinks that it's just a waste of time to be in a relationship, that he can't focus on his career while dating someone, it's best to keep your distance. He's giving you the signal that you're not his type of girl. The last sign is if He never calls you (or even texts you). You give him your number and you expect him to call or text you, but he never does. Don't you think it's about time you delete his number and start doing more productive things instead of waiting for a call or text that will never come?

If you notice these signs from the guy of your dreams, it's much better to just let go of your feelings. It may be hard at first. You may even find yourself crying in the middle of the night thinking about what might have been, but sooner or later, you'll learn to accept the fact that he isn't the one for you. Try to find love from your family and friends. Spend more time with them and keep yourself busy with work and other stuff. Move on! I'm sure you'll find the right guy when the right time comes... and you'll both live happily ever after. :)